


In a hypothetical sense

by Dubiousculturalartifact (222Ravens)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Background Relationships, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, canon divergent now sadly but the gays will live on, lowkey Autistic!Winn, lowkey angst, self indulgent fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 05:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8957035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/222Ravens/pseuds/Dubiousculturalartifact
Summary: "Um. Hold on. I just need a minute to process James Olsen, acting-CEO of CatCO Worldwide Media, & real life superhero, fake-asking me out."Or, the one where the best way to keep Kara from knowing the truth about Guardian, is convincing her that Winn & James have *another reason* to spend so much time together. No conceivable flaws with that plan. Nope.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse for this. I'm just in a terrible mood and I need fluff, and when even my straight family members can pick up on the tension between these two? It had to happen.
> 
> Posted the first two chapters right off the bat, but updates will be a little slower. Everything is all plotted out for the most part, and I know the ending, it's just filling in the bits in the middle. Definitely a happy ending planned, but while things started fluffy, they will get a bit more serious in some chapters.

Winn really didn’t mean to eavesdrop. He _really_ didn’t.  He just happened to be hanging out in like, a weird corner of the DEO? Eating lunch, of all things, it was just… He’dworking for hours on a stupid bit of code, and his desk was really noise, and so he’d sat down in the corner to get a minute or two of peace and quiet.

 

“Um, Alex, so. I sort of have a weird question.”

 

Apparently his luck was not in, because suddenly he’s hearing Kara & Alex, because sound bounces weirdly. He doesn’t know. He could move, but it’s probably nothing they’d care about him hearing, right?

 

“Okay, shoot.”

 

“I mean, maybe this is like, stereotyping, or whatever, and feel free to tell me to shut up, it’s just… Are you any good at like… Picking up a vibe?”

 

“A vibe?” Alex says, flatly.

 

“A gay vibe. Or… Bisexual vibe. Or whatever. From, you know…. Other people?” Kara squeaks.

 

If he moves now, she’ll definitely hear him, so he better just. Not move. Breathe quietly. Is that a thing? Breathing quietly? Breathing loudly is a thing.

 

“You realize it took me more than two decades to pick up on _myself_ , right? Not exactly the posterchild of great gaydar. Why? Are you wondering about someone? Lena Luthor, maybe?” Alex says, and _woo boy_ , that’s interesting. For the record, he definitely picked up that kind of vibe. 

 

“What! No. Just. Um. A friend? Two friends, actually? And. The circumstances are such that, it would be weird for me to ask, given some… Personal history. And I don’t know why they’d keep it a _secret_ , but like, I don’t have the _automatic_ right to know or anything, it’s just…”

 

“Who?”

 

There’s a pause, and yep, Winn probably should not be overhearing, whatever this is. What _friends_? True, it’s not like Winn thinks he’s Kara’s _only_ friend, but she doesn’t know that many people she’s…

 

“I think Winn and James might be, possibly, a little bit… Dating?”

 

Oh shit.

 

_Oh shit_.

 

“Really.” Alex says, flatly. So flatly, because she _knows_ that’s not true, damn it Alex. Damn it. _Do not blow this one._

 

Alex knows his far more bombshell-y secret, though. And more importantly, _James_ ’. And they’d agree not to tell her. Because it would be too much pressure, with the whole thing with Kara’s foster-dad, and just a lot of things going on in her life.

 

Oh god. Is Alex going to spill? Why did he tell Alex. Danvers sister loyalty, he should have known better. 

 

“It’s just. They’ve been spending a lot of time together, and there was this time they snuck away, for like, _an hour_ , and when they came back, James’ shirt was kinda… You know, a little… And there was. Um. On Winn’s neck…”

 

On his neck? Oh. When the control panel had blown, the other day, when he’d run in to help James defuse that alien device, and gotten a little backlash. Oh god. Had that looked like a hickey? Had he not noticed a giant hickey-shaped alien burn injury on his neck?  How was this his life. How. He just wanted to get a nice, comfortable, safe job, running IT for CatCO. But no. 

 

Somehow, by a bizarre cascading sequence of event, his life was now  _this_.  Sitting in a top secret governmental facility while an alien asked her gay sister, if he was secretly dating his superhero vigilante best friend. Great.

 

When Alex speaks again, there’s a barely concealed amusement in her voice. _Traitor_. “Well. I think. If that’s what you think, you should probably just… Talk to them. Ask them what’s going on. You never know. They might have something they want to tell you.”

 

“You really think they might…” Kara says, and Alex mutters something else at her, and then they are leaving, at least. Thank god.  But also. _Shit_. Shit shit shit shit shit.  He stays as still as he possibly can, counting off the steps as Kara & Alex keep walking away in the opposite direction, then _bails_.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

"Hey, Winn!" James says, looking up from his desk, and smiling. That is an unfair smile. It’s so… Perfect and heroic and distracting, when he really just needs to focus, here.

 

And yeah. Winn knows _he_ probably looks little flustered, his hair poking everywhere, but he kind of ran here. Or. Okay. Drove really quickly, and then did some running. Whatever. It counts. _He’s freaking out_ , is the operative point.  “We have a problem. Big problem. Colossal. _Huge.”_ Winn stage-whispers, shutting the door of the office behind him.

 

James stills, and Winn can tell his, getting his game face on, the whole tough-guy ‘ _Should I go pull out my cool body-armour_ ’ expression. “What’s wrong? Something we need the Guardian for, or…”

 

“ _KARA THINKS WE'RE DATING_." He hisses, flapping a nervous hand.

  


James drops the printing proof. "What?"

  


"Look. We agreed to hold off on telling her, right? Because Alex is right. The timing sucks, and it's just not a good plan, until we've ironed things out more. Except the two of us? We've been, you know. Talking a lot more, lately. I've shared DEO secrets with you, and she knows that. And. We text more. Keep mysteriously sneaking off together, and something you're all... Out of breath, afterwards. Or the bruise I had the other day, from the control panel?” he winces, pointing, and then folding his hand nervously inward, “Apparently it kinda looked like a hickey."

  


"It didn't look like a hickey." James corrected.

  


"Kinda did! I'm just saying." Okay, apparently he  _was_ breathing relatively quietly earlier, because now he definitely isn't. He's just standing there, hyperventilating, as James stares at him, for a long, weird minute.

  


Then James _laughs_ , the big... well-muscled jerk. "So, because of all that, she thinks we're dating?"

  


It's all Winn can do to stare, horrified. "Why are you laughing?"

  


James shrugs. ”Okay, yeah, it’s awkward and it might be a huge problem, but it's also... Come on, it’s a little bit funny. I mean, I’m undercover as a superhero, and she thinks you're actually… Dating me.”

  


"Rude. And not helping???" Winn says, laughing, too. Nervously. But like. Because of the ridiculous situation. That's all. This is ridiculous. Why is he even doing this.

  


James squints in thought, leaning forward. "Do you think she'll ask us about it?"

  


"According to Alex, yes, she plans to! Because Alex told her to talk to us, because Alex is a dirty rotten terrible person, and I quote ' _not some kind of gay magic eight ball, Kara. How the hell would I know_.’”

  


"We could... Tell her the truth.” James says, slowly. It's the kind of way that someone says 'we could cuddle the rabid polar bear', but James is also the kind of ridiculously heroic person that might try a stunt like that, too.

 

“Oh god. I was not ready for this. I had a plan. I was going to bring it up really slowly. Lay the whole thing out. And besides, we both agreed! She has had enough personal bombshells in her life, with her sister getting a girlfriend and, and… The thing with her dad, and all the Cadmus stuff, and hopping universes, and Mon El leaving…And what if she let someone else know, and they...”

  

James nods. “Okay. Well. You’re probably right, actually. I’m not really keen on having that conversation, either. So… We could say yes, then? When she asks if we’re dating.”

  


Winn starts laughing, and then trails off. Really abruptly. Because oh. My. God. "What."

  


"I mean like. Not for real, exactly. But Alex was right. It's not a good time to tell her, about me being Guardian. And it would be a good cover-story. We're both bi, right?”

 

“I told you about my ungodly crush on Superman _when I was drunk_ , okay? Like, who wouldn’t go for that?” Winn hisses. He's not like, ashamed, it's just... it's weird! To talk about! Because... it's James? And... His brain can't come up with a compelling reason, but there's one somewhere. Probably.

 

James quirks a smile, then starts counting points off on one hand. “I mean, agreed. But seriously. Look. We both know and trust each other. We need to keep Kara off the scent somehow. Maybe we should give it a shot. Plus, you know, you did build me a supersuit. I absolutely owe you a few rounds of drinks and some dinner, minimum. In a fake-dating kind of way, obviously.” And then he winks. _Winks_.

 

Winn's brain is just. Blue-screen. "Wuh."

 

“How bad could dating me be? Worse than getting arrested as vigilantes?”

 

It’s a joke, but… Ouch. RIght. The whole 'he's an accessory to technically-very-illegal human style vigilanteism'... Thing. Where they could get caught, and go to jail, and....

 

“Yeah. Prison would be. Definitely bad. Very bad.” He has very specific association with Schotts that wind up in prison. Very specific and very negative ones, that are apparently clear and clean right across his face, because James is scrambling to cover.

 

“Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up...”

 

He only says what he says next because he wants James to _not finish that sentence_ and bring up all of his awkward murder-related daddy-issues. Not because Winn is a giant pushover. Not because no matter what he said, about never being a coward and never bottling things up inside of him, he’s not about to do _exactly just that._ And Winn is definitely not interested in actual-dating James Olsen. Ha. _Ha._

  


_"_ Shut up. I am absolutely saying yes." Winn blinks several times, and then swerves to deflect,  _hard._  "I just need a minute to process James Olsen, acting-CEO of CatCO Worldwide Media, and real life superhero, fake-asking me out. But uh. You're _way_ out of my league, for the record."

  


"Hey. You went from tech-support to the best technical mind at an intergovernmental agency. You provide intel and support for heroes, and act as their right-hand man when times get tough. You've risen above terrible things in your life, to save people's lives every day. you're funny. I trust you, and I… Kind of really need you in my life right now. So, I don’t know. Not that far out of my league."

 

 James voice is soft, before he stops, then adds "In a hypothetical sense, obviously."

 

Winn can't entirely breathe, because that is. A speech, practically. It's enough of a speech that he forgets 

 

 “Yeah, okay okay. Okay. So say we did this. Ground-rules? Parameters? Backstory."

 

James blinks.  "Um. Let's just say... We just started dating?"

  


"After... The L-Corp party, maybe?"

  


"Sure. But we wanted to keep it on the down-low, until we were sure about things. Didnt want to mess up our friendship..."

  


"Right. And it's weird, because we both liked her, like and now we like each other..." James keeps going, and this is why he is acting CEO of a fancy company, because he can keep a level head in situations like...

  


"Is that weird?" Winn asks, squeaking again. _Pull yourself together._ "I mean. It's a little weird. Okay, it’s a lot weird? We were both in love with Kara, and she kinda dropped a friendship bomb on the bomb of us, and now we’d… Supposedly be dating each other. But I mean. I dated an actual real live banshee, so? Not my weirdest moment, I guess?”

  


"True. And I dated Superman. Then nearly dated Supergirl.” James muses. 

 

“ _You dated Superman?_ ” How did he not know that. How. How is this. Real. Life.

 

“Briefly. Yeah. We went on a few dates, but it didn’t totally pan out. Then he met Lois, and the rest is kind of history, so…I did kind of carry a torch for a really long time, though. But I’m over it, at least. ”

 

Oh god. 

 

Winn groans again, dropping his head onto James' desk. “How am I supposed to compete with that?”

 

James reaches over the desk, and puts one really nice, really warm hand on Winn’s shoulder. “Just... Be yourself. Anyone would be lucky to have that.”

 

“Haha. Right.”

 

He’s so screwed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couple things! First, sorry this has been slow in terms of updates, I kind of hit a snag, but I've picked up a second wind, I think.  
> More chapters should be out in no more than a couple days, and I've finally got the full arc of the story figured out!  
> It's probably going to wind up canon divergent, but that is offset by the fact that it's deliberately set a little while later in the timeline, after the 'departure' of Mon-el leads to Kara feeling extra stressed, and resulting in the situation where they would be in.  
> And finally, I added the tag mentioning the fact that I'm writing Winn as an autistic character, because I'm autistic myself, and that boy feels way too relatable sometimes. It's something that informs how I write him, so I wanted to mention it.

Except, rather than the universe letting Winn doing the sensible thing, like run away to have the meltdown that’s brewing in his own head? Kara shows up to the James' CATCO office not  _ten minutes later_ , before he’s had the chance to run away, or better yet, talk himself out of something this monumentally idiotic.

 

He supposes he just has to count himself lucky that she hadn’t shown up earlier, while they were discussing finer points of fake-dating-backstories, and tuned in on her super-hearing. Woo. That would have been. Not great.

 

Winn makes a mental note of making sure that the sound-dampening in Guardian’s helmet comms are up to the task, just in case she’s ever near enough to hear those. Which, honestly, he’s kind of hoping doesn’t happen very often, but....

 

“Oh, hey! Um. I’m not interrupting, am I?” Kara says, looking between the two of them, and her brow furrows a little bit.

 

James had, at least, taken his arm off of Winn’s shoulder, but they were, he supposes, leaning little close? Just because they were hashing out the details of the plan, of course. He resists the urge to pull away, because, nope, they are going to _sell this_.

 

“No. No. No, interruptions. Just. Um. You know, I was. This thing, and then…” Oh my god. Why is he such a bad liar? Why does he have high security clearance at a top secret government organization, and is the right-hand man to a secret superhero, when he is this bad at lying to people?

 

Who even designed his life, and why were they _so mean_.

 

“Do you want to grab coffee sometime?” James blurts out, to Kara.

 

And Winn is… Confused, by that. Like, grumpily so. Had James just changed his mind, right after Winn had finished psyching himself up to pull off this scheme? Was he seriously trying to ask Kara out, after…

 

Kara blinks, tilting her head, and looking, for some reason, at Winn. Who is. Not scowling? Scowling possibly a little bit.

 

Her brow furrows, and she is definitely about to protest, so James clarifies. “Oh, no, sorry! All three of us, I mean.”

 

Ohhh.

 

Winn jumps in, unsure why that was a relief. “Yeah! I feel like it’s been a little while since we’ve all gotten to… Hang out, and everything. It might be nice. Or brunch? I like brunch. Who doesn’t like brunch? And there’s some… Stuff. To talk to you about. But mostly just, you know. Brunch? And talking. Talking about things. In our lives. And…”

 

If he wasn’t trying to play it cool, he would be slapping himself right now for his interminable commentary. Except James leans forward, brushing a hand against Winn’s shoulder, and he quiets, immediately. The contact, albeit brief, was weirdly calming, actually. Must be that whole CEO-totally-in-charge-and-grounded, thing, like... transferring. It's zen, or om, or something yoga-y like that.

 

The mental image of James doing yoga pops into his head, and throws him for a further loop, as he blinks, trying to get the image out of his head.

 

Kara narrows her eyebrows, then smiles. “I’ll bet, yeah. How about tomorrow, ten? Noonans?”

 

Okay. He can do this. Justice and innocent lives are depending on it. Or something.

 

 _James_ is depending on him to sell this, he thinks, looking up at James’ brown eyes. James blinks back, holding the gaze. Okay. They’ve got this.

 

“That’s. Doable. Yeah! Sounds fun.” Winn nods, vaguely, and swallows. Looks away from James.

 

“Okay, I’ll… Leave you to it?” Kara says, before she makes a bemused face and just… Walks away, apparently forgetting whatever she came here for.

 

Winn lets her get to around the elevator, before he lets out an overdramatic breath, and turns back to James. “I think that went well, yeah?”

 

And that’s when the panic sets in, because. Wait. Hold up. _It did not go well._

 

Or, okay, it went _well_ , but that’s… That means that it’s happening. This entire ridiculous plan is actually going forward. And he gets to live with that, for the foreseeable future, and…No. He’s doing this.

 

James quirks a brow at Winn, and, “Sure. I think so. I mean. The hard part is gonna be tomorrow, but we should be okay.”

 

So they just... Keep talking, because James is still on his lunch, actually, and they get onto some of the nitty-gritties of Winn’s update to the tracking software on the suit, and some other stuff. Where they're patrolling tonight. 

 

He drums his fingers on the chair, and forces them quiet, making a fist. Quiet hands. Calm mind. He can do this. Because, as Winn reminds himself. _This_ is what this is about. That’s why this is happening. For Guardian. So that can still happen, uninterrupted, un-masked. For James to be Guardian, and Winn to be…

 

To be…

 

 

“You’re Guardian. And I’m… What, Eagle Two?” He jokes, but it’s also a point, really. “Are tech support guys allowed their own code-names, or is that just lame? I mean, part of the whole point of being the behind-the-scenes support is that your unobtrusive, but on the other hand, superhero identities are by _definition_ secret, so…”

 

“The hacker lady over in the Gotham has one, right? Oracle?” James shrugs. “Superman met her a couple times, I think.”

 

“Good point.” Winn muses, leaning back in his chair, and breathes for a moment, considering possibilities. James grins back, effortlessly conspiratorial, as they both sit for a minute, thinking. It’s… Weird, but nice.

 

Then Snapper Carr bursts into the room, and somehow the bubble doesn’t evaporate yet. Not even when the jerk starts off on about, “Olsen! Got a bone to pick. Get your flunky out of the room.”

 

Winn is just opening his mouth to protest, because he is _no one’s flunky, thank you very muc…_ But as it turns out, James beats him to it, with nothing but a measured tone of iron, and a simple, “Did we schedule a meeting?”

 

Which, as it turns out, is proof that sometimes the simple moves are the devastating ones. It’s beautiful, watching the splutter on Carr’s face. “No, but…”

 

“I didn’t think so. And, as you can see, I am a little busy right now.”James says, and Winn feels weirdly… Proud? Then he looks back at James, who is smiling at him, warmly, like Snapper isn’t even in the room.

 

Snapper is fuming in the doorway, but Winn honestly doesn’t even care.

 

Still, he does _sort_ of want to run away, just to have a moment to process the rest of… Events. Plus, he figures it’s probably a good time to make an exit. So he rises out of his seat, and jerks his thumb towards the door. “You know what? It’s fine, Snappy. I’ve got to get back to the office myself, actually. Top secret government spy mainframes don’t run themselves.” Winn says, overly familiar, and taps Snapper on the shoulder.

 

Because, okay, _his job is supposed to be a secret_. But he does kind of hate Snapper, honestly. And more than that, it’s exactly the kind of comment that would drive a Libertarian-leaning ‘I Need Verifiable Facts™’ guy _nuts_.

 

True to form, Snapper makes a strangled noise.

 

James shakes his head, but Winn has heard enough rants about Snapper from James, to know that deep down? Winn and him are on _completely_ the same page, about that guy. “Thanks, Winn.”

 

Then James pivots, and the warmth in his voice is gone, again. “Actually, I’m glad you’re here. We do need to discuss a few issues regarding your coverage of immigration issues in particular, Snapper. And I’d like…”

 

So Winn leaves, but as he’s walking away from the door of the office, he looks back. Sees James sitting behind the desk, proud and tall, and Snapper awkwardly pacing, like he feels trapped in the space. He’s meant what he’d told James, at the beginning of all this Guardian stuff. About this kind of work, providing information, changing people’s minds… It is just as important, as the more physical bent of heroism.

 

He’s glad that James is willing to embrace both, and starting to settle into each role. That they are both beginning to fit him, better. The first time he’d visited this office, when James had started using it, it had felt weirdly… Liminal, still, without Cat’s presence filling it. With it being a place Winn himself only really _visited_ , anymore, not part of his every day. No longer a part of his life.

 

But, as he looks over as James Olsen, already getting back to work, he thinks that maybe, just maybe, it’s starting to feel like something different in its own way. And that has a lot to do with the man who is filling that space, right now. What he stands for, and who he is

 

If Winn was smart, it might scare him, how much he wants to be a part of that. Maybe that’s dangerous. Maybe he’s… Getting used to something, that’s never going to last. That couldn’t possibly ever wind up being…

 

That he might be lying for James Olsen’s sake, but he’s also lying in other ways.

 

Except, the minute even the slightest hint of those kind of thoughts, come rising to the surface? He quashes them, _mercilessly_.

 

Because he’s… Not. It’s not like that. It’s never going to be like that, because he… Doesn’t have feelings like that. Sure, James is… But, no. He’s never let himself think of James Olsen, anything like that. And he’s never going to, because James is a friend. Fake-dating aside, he’d swear to anyone who would listen, that he’s learned his lesson about that, from Kara.

 

He’s too sensible for that.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your comments, I keep forgetting to sit down and reply to them all, but they are incredibly appreciated!
> 
> This chapter is a little bit more introspective, and there's a tinge of angst, creeping in. It didnt happen on purpose, but there we go. Writing is weird, but this fic has been a delight to write, so I hope you continue to enjoy reading it!
> 
> Should have the next chapter up by tomorrow!

Winn gets to Noonan’s first, which is pretty unusual for him, actually. He’s not someone who is _late,_ exactly. It just tends to be, that he arrives… When he needs to get there, give or take. When one of your friends can _fly_ and has the energy levels of a hyperactive puppy, and the other one has the kind of personality that allows him to be the CEO of a major company, while also moonlighting as a vigilante, and keep everything in his life perfectly organized… Well. Winn knows he can’t keep up with that, so why stress it, right?

 

Ha. As if 'No stressing' is really an option, right now, as he prepares to embark on… One of the most ridiculous plans he has ever taken part in, in his entire life. And yes, that includes working out the math on ‘what if she threw the mutant running guy extra fast, so he falls into another universe?’ And that plan, at least,  _worked_. 

 

So yeah. He’s only here so early because he couldn’t really sleep, and really needs the coffee. So he sits at the table, and orders coffee to start, a mocha for himself, then a hazelnut latte for James, because that’s what they usually get, during their morning meetings. It’s just kind of a habit, by this point, the two of them trading off on who gets the coffee.

 

Sure, James has mega-salary, now, but it’s not like Winn’s short on cash. Turns out, the DEO pays _ridiculously_ well. Sure, it’s half hazard pay, half hush money to not reveal Top Secret Secrets™, but he’ll take it. Both for coffee, and because rent has skyrocketed, lately, too. Something about the influx of supervillains messing with insurance rates, he figures.

 

“Hey.” He hears, and James is sliding into the booth, leg bumping up against his, by accident. Winn blinks, and smiles, trying to looking calm, and put together.

 

James looks… Good. Just a plain grey henley, and jeans, but it gives him an odd feeling. “Oh god, I’m I overdressed?” He complains, grabbing at his bowtie, and fumbling, pulling it askew.

 

James reaches over, tugs it into a better angle. “You look good.”

 

Winn is. Very warm. He hums, a little, half-audible. “Does it seem like it’s been raining way more, lately? Global warming is weird, am I right?” He says, because, topic changes. Those are a thing that people do in normal, everyday conversations.

 

God, he’s bad at people, sometimes.

 

“Think we’ll be able to sell this?” He asks, because it’s honestly a concern that he does have, given his general human-disaster track record.

 

James looks at him. “I trust you, Winn,” he says, like that isn’t some _huge_ deal.

 

After that, they lapse into silence, but it’s not an uncomfortable one, and, well. That’s the thing. Lately, he’s really appreciated how much James never makes him feel… Like the odd one out, or just plain _odd_. That Winn is something, that James needs. he’s someone indispensable. It’s something he really, really likes about the guy, that someone with that many metric tonnes of pure natural charm, doesn’t mind hanging around someone as fumbling awkward as he is.

 

It had been rough going, at the beginning of this partnership, but something had shifted, after Winn had gone to the Slaver’s Moon, and come back, and James had given him that smile, in his office, the one he’d blown a kiss back for, as… A joke. Or something.

 

But as the days unfolded, that smile had kept coming, and James had been… A little more careful, ever since. A little more quick to listen, when Winn pulls him back, and a little more settled. They’d set up the dynamic, and it was working. It had to be.

 

“Hi, sorry I’m late!” Kara says, having apparently just arrived, without Winn even noticing.

 

That’s another thing. It’s weird, sometimes, looking at Kara, lately. She’s still undeniably beautiful, and has the kind of charm that makes her infectiously impossible to dislike, unless you’re a total monster. But he spent so long with Kara feeling like gravity, like she was the centre of whatever room she walked into.

 

He spent such a long time thinking about the idea of being in love with her, that it’s oddly freeing to just be able to look at her, like she’s just a person. Just a friend, without any pressure. Without getting warm, or fluttery, or that painful tugging sensation.

 

He looks over at James, who is staring at Kara, thoughtfully, and then James looks back at him, and they both share a silent glance of mutual understanding. Of. _Yeah, yeah. I_ did. _For her. But it didn't happen like that, and I’m okay with it_.

 

Well, okay. That, and _We’re doing this, right?_ Because. Yes. They really are doing this, and now that it’s happening, he doesn’t even think about hesitating. It’s not that he isn’t nervous, it’s just… He thinks of every moment up until now, that he almost backed out. Every time him and James had argued, every moment when he'd said 'no', when he'd stared down the barrel of a gun, and flinched.

 

He could have quit then. James would have been mad, but they would have survived. Now, though? When he's already admitted he's willing to face all of that? There's no way he can back out. It just doesn't add up, inside his own head. This is nothing. This is easy, compared to any of that.

 

Besides.These people, James and Kara. They are the people he cares about more than anyone else in the entire world, more loyal to him than any other kind of family he’s ever known, a thousand times over and then some. They’ve saved his life. They saved _him_ , when he was scared, quiet and felt pretty much irrelevant. When he never really thought that he’d ever get to know anyone like them. They are heroes, in the kind of way he's never going to be. He is a hero in the way he gives the information, provides the structure, that lets the heroes be who they need to be.

 

So if this makes Kara happy, and keeps James safe, he’d do so much worse. It would scare him sometimes, how far he’d go, if he didn’t trust them both to go even farther, for everyone else in the world.

 

So, they let Kara settle into the booth. Have the coffees arrive, and the waitress take their orders, and she must be new, because her eyes bulge out, hearing Kara rattle off the multiple orders she’s getting, and James shoots Winn another smile.

 

Then it’s the three of them, and the conversation starts off with the vague pleasantries, and small-talk, and their food arrives, eventually.

 

Then Kara shakes her head, and narrows back in, with the kind of laser-focus that only comes from having _actual laser eyes_. “Anyway, you two mentioned… Something? That you wanted to talk to me about?”

 

So James touches his hand, and Winn freezes. He has to relax. Relax. This is normal and fine and something boyfriends do. Because they are… _That_.

 

It’s just distracting, the little movements of James’ fingers, because he honestly doesn’t remember the last time he held hands with someone like that. It’s easier than it should be.

 

Kara, just taking a bite, looks down at their two hands, on the table, and her eyebrows shoot right up, as James says. “Yeah. There is, actually.”

 

Then Winn’s mouth speeds right ahead of his brain, and words start spilling out. “So, um. We wanted to tell you first? Because you’re our best friend, basically, and you know, we were kind of keeping it on the down-low, but the thing is, it’s just that, well, James and me have been _kinda spending a lot of time together_ lately, and we didn’t want to think that we were like, ignoring you, or up to something _crazy_ , ha, you know, it’s just. Really what we’re trying to say is…”

 

“Winn and I are dating.” James interjects, and right, yeah. That would’ve been easier to start with. Good call.

 

“Each other?” Kara says, as if to confirm, around a mouthful of french toast.

 

Winn smiles, nervously, and nods, and if his fingers end up shifting to twine around James’, well. He needs a lifeline, right now.

 

Kara swallows, and breaks into a hesitant, but very genuine smile. “Actually?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You two?” She waves the fork back and forth.

 

“Yup!” Winn says, and James leg is… Still right up against his, under the table, isn’t it?

 

Then Kara squeals, and launches herself halfway over the table, to awkwardly hug them. James’ free hand catches the syrup jug, saving it from Kara’s enthusiasm.

 

She’s squealing and making happy noises, and kind of squishing both of them, but it’s just. It’s nice. It’s really nice, and she seems really happy, and this already feels like less of a terrible plan.

 

Eventually, she extricates herself. “Wow! That’s… You know, I kind of had a weird feeling, but I wasn’t sure if I was just, or if there was something else going…” She trails off. “It’s funny, I was just talking to Alex about it the other day? Like literally yesterday.”

 

“What, Alex? Who’s… Oh your sister, Alex! That Alex.” Winn says, and winces, again. “Right. Isn’t that wacky timing?”

 

Kara shoots him a funny look, but she’s still smiling. “So… How did this, you know, happen?”

 

They had a story rehearsed, hashed out over The Official Guardian™ secure messaging channel, and their conversation in James’ office, and so it goes, in fits and spurts. When it starts feeling too weird, or the words come out wrong, it’s brunch, so he shoves a bite of waffle in his face,, and lets James do the rest of the talking.

 

The story is half true, or maybe a little bit more than. About how they were both nervous starting out, and James had made all the first moves, and Winn had been a lot more skittery, but they found an equilibrium. About Lena’s fundraiser party, and how they’d danced there, because, actually, they _had_ danced, funnily enough, afterward all the fighting was over, and they needed to destress, and how things had just… Happened.

 

It's the truth, from a certain angle, if you squint, and don't think about it too hard. Just sub in 'superhero partnership' for the gay variety.

 

“But we were friends beforehand, so… We didn’t want to tell anyone, for a while. I almost did, a couple times. But mostly, yeah. We wanted to be sure. That it wouldn’t fall apart, or… But we wanted you to know, first.” James said, and he’s looking at Kara, and Winn feels a twinge, because he knows how that went down, doesn’t he?

 

Kara’s eyes soften. “I get it.”, and Winn almost feels guilty, she just looks so happy, and it’s a _lie_.

 

He swallows that doubt, with another bite of syrupy waffle, and the lightness in Kara's bearing. It’s worth it, anyway. He has to believe that.

 

So they settle back into the conversation, and it’s so natural. Sitting here with his two favourite people in the world, and having brunch, and she teases them a little bit, maybe, but honestly, Winn doesn’t have to act very hard, to look embarrassed, or to look like he cares about James Olsen. Because he does care about James, he thinks, as he steals a bite of eggs benny off James' plate. James protests, and they playfully duel with forks, and wind up giggling, elbowing each other, half-forgetting their audience of Kara, just for a minute.

 

Then James goes to the bathroom, and offers to take care of the check, at the same time. So Winn is alone with Kara, who is still just… Beaming at him, right up until the moment when her face turns to something even more thoughtful.

 

“You know, I…” She starts, then stops, then starts again. Her smile is a little wistful, but it’s there. “I’m not lying when I said I’m really happy for you two.”

 

“I know,” Winn says, and he means that. “I’m glad that it’s not… Weird, or anything. Is it weird?” He says.

 

Kara crinkles her nose. “Weird?” She thinks for a minute. “No. I think… I think you two make a lot of sense. More than… Well.”

 

They make sense together? James and him? Really. He. Isn’t going to think very hard about that, because James and him _aren’t_ dating, but he still looks at Kara, and he has to know.

 

“More than you and me?” He says, a little embarrassed. “Or...”

 

She laughs, with an tinge of something else, there. “Or me and him. We were such a…. I don’t know. It’s like we were perched on the edge of an _almost_ , for such a long time, that the minute it was real… It didn’t feel right. And I was worried about James. After we… Didn’t, and there were all these changes, but…”

 

She scrapes the side of her plate with a idle finger, and stares down at the surface.

 

“I mean… Can I tell you something? I was in love with him. I was. I’m not scared to say that. And honestly, saying no was one of the hardest things I ever did. But, the truth is, I got scared. I got scared because, everything was changing, so fast… And I hadn’t gotten myself figured out, even close to enough, and it had to be all or nothing, and... I wasn’t as sure as I thought I was. Partly that was me, and some of it was… I looked at him, and I just thought… We should be friends. Because that worked, it did, but if we’re _everything_ to each other? He wouldn’t ever really be happy, with me. Not all the way. Because..."

 

"Because you're... You." He says, and that old pain surfaces a little, and he sees her again, just for a moment, the way he used to. Not as Kara, his friend, but someone a little bit transcendent, brighter than the sun. She’d always been that way, even before he’d known about the alien part. "You're a Hero, with a big fat capital H. You're larger than life and bigger than anything he could ever be, and you can’t help that. And he’d support you, but somewhere push would come to shove, and he'd get tired of saying _Up Up And Away_ , and having you leave him behind. He’d get lost in trying to prove different, and… Wind up getting hurt."

 

It had happened anyway, to a degree, but Winn realizes, suddenly, how much worse it could have been. How much James would have chafed, constantly being the person who was there to support Kara, and not his own man, and would have wound up running again, re-inventing.

 

Guardian had been him finding his feet, after Kara had let him go. But if…

 

Kara nods. ”I talked to Clark, when he visited. About why they broke up. Why he dated Clark, but couldn’t quite date Superman. Because, yeah, it was after he found out that Clark was Superman, that they broke up. And I thought, you know, him and Clark are still friends, sure, but… I just thought… I can’t have him stand in my shadow. I can’t let him do that, because eventually, he’ll hate me for it.”

 

They have a minute of silence, as Winn rearranges a lot of expectations and understanding that he had in his head. There’s something funny in the pit of his stomach, about this whole conversation, because it feels too _real_.

 

But he ignores it, and tells the truth. "I... I care about James. I mean that, Kara. But, I don’t know. I think I know what you mean, about him always... He wants to… Prove himself. Because of all the heroes he's known. Hr needs to make a difference, or prove he has an impact, or he feels lost. I mean, especially surrounding… Everything with his dad, you know?”

 

Kara gets this… Really thoughtful look in her eye. “Oh? He talked to you about his dad?” She says, like there’s some kind of _point_ , there.

 

“Yeah? Didn't... He was a soldier, and he died in combat, and… James got his camera from him? His first one. And ever since then… I don’t know. It makes sense. How much he wants to honour that. In the work that he does, and in his life, and…And he’s a lot braver than me, in how he deals with those… Expectations.”

 

Winn thinks of his own father, and the ugliness of the weight there, and how he’s figured out ways to carry it. It’s not like James, though. But he thinks somewhere down the line, this Guardian thing has helped both of them, figured out what kind of person they want to be.

 

Still. It’s a little puzzling, that Kara seems so surprised by his words. He can’t talk about the context of the conversation James and him had about it, obviously, but he can say yes, because it’s not like it was a huge deal, or anything. James had obviously mentioned it to Kara, so…

 

Kara smiles. “You two _are_ good for each other.”

 

“Okay?” Winn says, ignoring the pang that he feels. Which is just because he _hates_ lying, he hates this, he wishes…

 

“I don’t know if I should…” She drains her glass of juice, and keeps talking anyway. “Look. Right before Lucy and James broke up… I made the mistake of sharing with her that story. About James, and his Dad, and his camera. Turns out, he’d… Never told her about his dad. Not even a little bit. If he’s willing to talk about it with you? That means something. It means a lot, Winn. It mean he... I'm glad you two have each other.”

 

Kara gives this lopsidedly little smile, and pats him on the shoulder, like she didn’t just punch Winn in the chest.

 

Like she didn't just unleash a massive bombshell, that if he buried without thinking about it, somewhere down the line, is going to turn into an unexploded ordinance of messy emotions.He promptly buries it anyway, and keeps eating his waffle, projecting the aura of a confident, boyfriend-worthy man, who has _not_ lost control of his life.

 

“I’m glad, too.” WInn says, because he is glad to have James, even if it’s not quite the way Kara thinks.

 

“You’re good for him.” She says, with the strength of undeniable fact.

 

“Yeah?” Winn says, still rattled but playing it off, and Kara fixes him with another look.

 

“I’m serious. He’s been a lot more…. Settled, lately. I couldn’t figure out why. Like all of his restless energy, his desire to prove himself, it just… Stopped feeling like such a weight on his shoulders. I don’t think I could have ever done that, for him.” She says, reflectively. “But you have, haven’t you?”

 

“Because I’m ordinary enough for him?” Winn says, and he knows he sounds bitter, but isn’t quite sorry.

 

Kara shakes her head. “You, Winn Schott Jr, are _anything_ but ordinary. You are… Talented, and funny, and exceptional. But you are also... Okay, you're nervous, and you get scared sometimes, but you're grounded. You are one of the most grounded people I know. When it comes to the people that you care about, you are rock solid. And that’s what he needs, because James always wants to prove himself. He needs someone who has two feet on the ground, and who sees him as _enough_. Just as he is. And you need someone who’s going to…. Be real enough to push your limits, but not past what you want. You know?”

 

Because, she’s right, Winn knows, somewhere bone deep. That part of James Olsen is always going to be tempted into playing Icarus, and Winn? Winn has to be there, to make his wings as strong as they can be, and remind him when to land.

 

There are worse ways to live your life. There are a lot of very, very worse ways.

 

“I do,” He says, and thinks, that’s that.

 

"You seem happy." Kara says, quietly, and at first, he wants to brush that off, too.

 

Except then he looks up, and sees James, at the cash station, and he just… Looks at the other man, for a minute.

 

And James looks back, and smiles at him, that incandescent smile, and Winn just can’t quite help, but smile back.

 

"Yeah. I... I think I am," he says.

 

And it doesn't feel like a lie at all.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You actually let her believe you were dating?” Alex all but shouts in his face, and Winn is abruptly reminded exactly why she is the scary field-agent and he, occasional jaunts to alien planets aside, is still the technical expert. 
> 
> Except.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, hooray!

“What are you _doing_.”

 

It’s not so much a _question_ , as a very sternly phrased reproach, Winn decides, looking up from his desk to see Alex looming over him. He half-way flinches, on reflex, before forcing himself to stare back. “Um, working?” And for once, it’s actually the truth. “On a genuinely very important bit of code. If I’m not finished this by the end of the day, apparently an entire DEO satellite might just…”

 

That doesn’t seem to satisfy Alex, though, because she just makes a grouch-face, and half-way drags him to one of the empty training rooms. The door has only barely swung shut, before Winn is bracing himself for the inevitable blast-wave.

 

“You actually let her believe you were _dating?”_ Alex all but shouts in his face, and Winn is abruptly reminded exactly why she is the scary field-agent and he, occasional jaunts to alien planets aside, is still the technical expert.

 

Except.

 

Except, then she get this soft, wondering look on her face, and shuts him up before he can speak. “No, wait, sorry, I… God. I of all people, shouldn’t be making an assumption, with this. _Are you dating?”_

 

“No!” Winn yells back, and he’s just… Suddenly really angry, that Alex would just, that everyone is just _assuming these things,_ and he has to deal with the consequences, and it makes him angry…

 

And he needs to. Not, with that. Because ‘angry’ isn’t _him_. He’s never going to let it be, because that is not who he is. So he takes a breath, and then another one, as Alex stares at him, until he is sufficiently chill enough to say, very calmly.

 

 _“No,_ we are not dating.”

 

Alex scoffs, waving a hand. “Okay. Fine. How would I know that? She said she didn’t even ask, you just told her out of the blue, so you couldn’t have kn…”

 

Two and two abruptly make four in Alex’s mind. If ‘four’ was _a cascading sequence of poor life decisions, by Winn Schott Jr_.

 

“You heard me talking to Kara about it.”

 

Winn really does not want a lecture right now. The exercise room is _cold_ , and he has enough on his plate, and there’s just a lot in his life, okay? So he’s not angry. Just… Mildly aggrieved. “Yeah, I overheard Kara asking you about it! And then, I… Panicked, and I told James, and he thought…. Look, it was your idea not to tell her at Thanksgiving! So if we want to be technical, here, it’s your fault we are in this situatio…”

 

“Yeah, that’s because one giant personal bombshell per meal is _enough_ , and you know what?” Alex pokes a finger at Winn’s chest. “I had _dibs_ , okay?”

 

“That’s… Fair, actually.” Winn muses. “But that’s the point. I _agreed_ with you that James telling Kara was the wrong call. And it still is. James almost told her a number of times, like when Livewire showed up again, but it just never worked out. And then everything went down with Mon-el, and… And you, more than anyone, know that she doesn’t deserve that, right now.”

 

Alex sighs. _“_ Maybe I do. I’m really just… I’m really tired of carrying around secrets from the people I care about, okay? And I never asked to keep this one. So, yeah. Maybe I wasn’t thinking about how she’d react if you had told her about Guardian, maybe all I was thinking was ‘Great, another thing I won’t have to lie about, anymore. That’ll be really nice. You _deserve nice things, Alex_.’”

 

Winn nods, hoping they are getting somewhere, but nope, Alex is shaking her head again.

 

“Because, you know… _I thought you would actually tell her the truth._ I figured you would, I don’t know, _come clean_. Not just… Keep lying, oh my god, I am not going to be a part of this!”

 

She’s pacing, and it’s like… Jeez. Alex is just. A very scary person, wrapped around a surprisingly soft fuzzy, yet mildly neurotic middle, wrapped around…

 

Alex flashes another glare, and nope, yeah, the ‘scary person’ part is back, for sure. Yay.

 

“You know as well as I do that it’s not the right time.” Winn tries to point out, because apparently it’s still _his j_ ob to be the voice of reason. The world is doomed.“Not with everything going on in Kara’s life. I’m not… I don’t want to give her another burden. Neither James and I do. If we tell her, she starts worrying, and if she does that…”

 

Alex stops. “She’s distracted, and people could get hurt. That’s… Okay. You're right. Keeping the secret, itself, is fine. Scratch that, actually… That’s _not_ really why I’m mad about this.”

 

Winn would be really proud and appreciative of this showing of Alex Danvers’ newfound emotional intelligence that has cropped up in the past couple months, and would probably say something encouraging about that, if not for the fact that, _well_.

 

He’s still kinda on her shit-list, apparently.

 

“Okay. Why _are_ you mad, then?” He asks, because A. He’s a masochist, and B. He’s an optimist! Maybe it’s something… Really minor, and totally resolvable, and...

 

Alex is taking a really deep breath. Yup, there’s a rant coming. “I’m 'mad', because you two are juvenile enough to _pretend to come out to Kara_ in order to keep this secret.”

 

Oh. Right. Shit.

 

Alex is staring off into space, and gesticulating, and Winn figures it’s probably the best plan to just… Take the hit for the team, here, and allow her to vent, even if she’s _slightly_ off-base.

 

“Like, I get it! You had to say something! You were in a difficult position, but I’m just… I’m tired of people using ‘coming out’ like it’s some big cute metaphor. Okay, James is a superhero! He has to hide shit! But it’s not the same thing, okay. It doesn’t mean you get to just… _Pretend_ about something like this. I get it. You think, hey, I’ll just _pretend to be gay_! Being gay is _easy!_ Telling people you care about, about something like this, is the _simpler option_. There’s nothing complicated about it! They always will react well! Bullshit, okay, that’s just… You know what, fuck you, Winn. I _just_ came out. After decades of confusion and hurt and a lot of crap, okay. You don’t get to use stuff like this as some kind of cheap alibi, when you don’t know anything about what it’s _like_ ….”

 

Oh shit. Winn and James totally, definitely really did hurt her feelings, and now he feels like the asshole here. So he does what she wanted, anyway, and tells the truth.

 

“I’m bisexual!” He blurts out.

 

There’s a painful, echoing silence, as Alex squints at him. “Really?”

 

“Yeah. So, um. So is James?”

 

“Oh” Alex blinks, and takes a breath, and looking faintly embarassed. “Right. Um. My bad, then. Sorry. I’m. Apparently really bad at making assumptions like that. I mean, me!” She waves vaguely at herself. “Didn’t see that one coming, so yeah. Does gaydar get better with time, or is it just like… Innate? There’s a lot that I don’t even…”

 

And _now_ is when Winn decides to derail the feelings, before they wind up awkwardly hugging and crying and… Eating ice cream together, or something. He likes Alex Danvers, but she’s just too scary for that. “Hey, don’t sweat it, okay? I’m not really all that… But I mean. You’re _right,_ okay. We didn’t think about that stuff, because James and I… We’re both pretty secure in it, I guess? Mostly? But not everyone is, and that’s fine. That’s valid. And you’re right. We did… Look, it’s weird, okay?”

 

“Yeah. Okay. Ugh, _fine_. But… This has to have an end-date. This whole… _Faking dating, thing_.”

 

“We were going to tell her after… You know. The mission. When we get your dad back.”

 

There’s a beat of silence, and Alex looks distracted enough that Winn thinks he _might_ just be able to escape.

 

So he takes one sideways step, and then another, until Alex’s reverie breaks. “I’m still sorry that I have to lie to her.”

 

“Me too. I wish I didn’t have to.”

 

Alex nods, and it feels like a dismissal, which he is only too happy to accept, right now.

 

Except, as he turns to flee, something occurs to him, and he stops, turns back. “Okay, but also… Why does everyone come to yell at me about this stuff? Why aren't you yelling at James, how… _How is this my fault?_ ”

 

Alex frowns for a minute, like that hadn’t quite occurred to her, until she figures it out, and point a finger in triumphant accusation. “Because, you… You _enabled him_. Just like with Kara. Without you, James would never have been able to do this. It’s at least as much your fault as…”

 

And right, here comes the flare of anger, the kind that has always been fuelled by fear and love. Fear that everyone he cares about doesn’t need him. That, through death, or jail, or his own actions, he’s going to _lose them_ , and he is once again faced with the lengths that he will go, to either run from that feeling, or embrace it at the risk of his own everything.

 

“He would be _dead_ if I hadn’t!” Winn says, and it scares him, how much he believes it. It scares him, because he still isn’t sure if that’s true, or. Or if James really would have backed down, and it really is his fault. Whether, his inability to say no, every time would end up being James’ downfall, or if he’d saved him.

 

But it doesn’t matter. He’s committed, now. For better or worse, to the judgement call he made, and he'll defend that, because at the end of the day... _“_ He’d have gone in anyway, as Guardian, without my backup, because that’s what James Olsen does, okay? He has to prove he’s worthwhile, even when _everyone in his life_ already believes it. Even if it would kill him. So yeah. I couldn’t let that happen. I wanted to back out, I wanted to quit, but end of the day, I can’t do that. _Sue me._ ”

 

They both stare at each other, and somehow, rather than being angry, Alex is looking at him with… Something more unreadable.

 

 _“_ You care about him a lot.” Alex says, flatly. It’s not a question, either, but it’s not a reproach, this time.

 

“Yeah.” Winn says, like it’s obvious, because it is obvious? Because… Of course he does. He’s not sure when it happened, but James Olsen is just… Someone in his life. Someone who _matters_ , a whole lot. Someone he would lie for. Someone he would hurt for. Someone he would…

 

“James is a friend.” Winn says, weakly, and doesn’t know why the word suddenly feels false on his tongue, when he’s never been surer of how far he would go, for James.

 

Alex opens her mouth, like she’s going to speak, then thinks the better of it.

 

She claps him on the shoulder, and walks away, and somehow he gets the feeling that she just figured out something, that he hasn’t yet.

 

But hey. He’s used to that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, obviously, this fic has been rendered canon divergent, as of last week’s episode, We Can Be Heroes, but….
> 
> I don’t care, I’m still writing this fic, because I want a Supportive, Understanding Kara and Lots of Gay, and I’m invested in this darn thing.
> 
> Basically assume that:
> 
> -Kara never found out who Guardian was, during the Livewire thing
> 
> -Mon El Was An Alien Prince All Along, and totally tried to make a dumb deal with the Evil People Hunting Him that would have jeopardized a lot of lives in order to ensure his and Kara’s safety, and as a result of the emotional fallout, fled off-planet. Kara didn't really have feelings for him, was mostly just feeling lonely and isolated, and got a bit depressed after he left, and is just starting to pick up the pieces from that
> 
> -CADMUS has subtly begun mobilizing again, and there's chatter about them resurfacing, leading to further tensions
> 
> -Also M’gann stuck around because I DO WHAT I WANT
> 
> -etc

When he thought about telling Kara they were dating, what hadn’t totally occurred to him, would be the reactions of everyone _else_. And even then, updating your facebook status is one thing, sure. You get some weird sappy comments and a couple jokes, but he keeps a pretty limited circle there, so it's not a huge thing.

 

 

“Just because you’re dating, doesn’t give James Olsen an expanded security clearance.”  Your _boss_ suddenly talking to you about it, a couple weeks in? Weird. Very weird.

 

“I… Know that?” Winn squeaks, from his desk, and _why do people keep doing this_.

 

J’onn glowers. “Then, uh. No using sparring rooms for makeout sessions.”

 

Then, because his brain has a tendency towards disturbingly dark humour, and also to say things without _thinking them through at all, oh my god_ , Winn somehow blurts out. “If you’re trying to give a Tough Dad speech, right now, I should remind you who my actual Dad is? Gives me an overly high standard on that kinda thing.”

 

There’s a beat of painfully awkward silence. Then J’onn softens, looking somehow incredibly guilty, even for a guy who can turn into an eight-foot-tall green alien warrior, with the weight of an entire species in his eyes.

 

“You’re more than just where you came from, Mr Schott. I wouldn’t have taken a chance on you, at the DEO, or cleared you for field missions, if I didn’t believe that.” He claps Winn on the shoulder, and walks away, and _why do people keep doing that_ , it’s incredibly startling, and….

 

“Is that your way of saying you’re happy for me?” he shouts at J’onn’s retreating form, because again, brain saying things without thinking.

 

Of all the responses? He was, definitely not expecting J’onn to turn around, and quirk a smile, and _nod_.

 

Winn’s head, correspondingly, connects with his keyboard. Multiple times.

——

 

His day would be weird enough from that, but _no_.

 

Sure, given the kind of job he has, mysterious messages from untraceable numbers feel sort of. Normal, actually. It’s happened a couple times. What’s less normal, is the content of the message.

 

_[You know, when I dumped James, you were not the person I expected he’d end up with.]_

 

“Does Superman have my cell-phone number?” He says, hiding in one of the sparring rooms (because, hey, they are _convenient_ for secret conversations _),_ and calling up James. Definitely not freaking out about that idea. Not even a little bit.

 

“Not that I know of?”

 

“Okay, so what _other_ ex do you have, who isn’t under deep-cover work for the DEO?”

 

“What?”

 

He reads off the text to James, and another one comes in.

 

_Consider this my blessing. But also, if you break his heart, I break my cover just long enough to make you disappear. <3_

 

_P.S. Tell James, and Kara that I said hi._

 

“Ah. Never mind. Lucy says hi. Also that she’ll murder me if I break your heart. Good thing you aren’t actually dating me, right?”

 

There’s a weirdly long silence. “Yeah. Good thing.”

 

He texts back.

 

_James’ heart is safe. But thanks._

 

Once again, it’s not an untrue statement, Winn reflects, and puts his phone away, in favour of dropping his head onto his desk, again, and whining slightly. He stops, when he realizes that this phone is ringing again. It’s James, so he answers, a little confused.

 

“Did I ever tell you why Lucy and I broke up?” James asks, without preamble.

 

There’s another long silence, as Winn tries to decide whether or not to mention the conversation he’d had with Kara.

 

James saves him, by talking first. “I guess… The easy answer is Kara. The longer one is… I don’t know. I think there were parts of myself, that I wasn’t ready to share with her. We never quite clicked. I always felt like I had to prove myself around her, and it felt like…. Being with her was supposed to have been all encompassing, but she never fit into my life, because I wasn’t ready to let her, and so I never fit into hers. Not the way either of us wanted.”

 

“Huh.” Winn says, then. “Well. I guess that makes sense. Um. Thanks for sharing? Did you call about anything else, or…”

 

“Not really.” Is the only response. “Just, wanted to… Talk, I guess.”

 

There’s a quiet moment of silence, and Winn’s brain goes on another track, bounces to a stray thought. “Oooh! I forgot to mention last night, but, I think you’re nearly out of toilet paper.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I changed the roll, but there weren’t any more left in your cupboard.” Winn says, because that’s not weird, right? It’s just a thing. He’s over at James’ apartment a lot. He notices things. It’s not a Huge Life Thing. 

 

Sure, their lives have settled into a certain kind of shape, around each other. Sure, they spend at least part of most evenings together, and text a lot, and they both know the outline of each other’s apartments, and Winn put James down as his emergency contact the other day, but that’s more of a practical matter, than anything else.

 

Friends, and Winn is grateful enough to have a friend like James, one who… _Anyway_.

 

“I’ll pick some up. Thanks.”

 

Then the silence keeps going, as neither of them hang up, and Winn feels like there has to be something else that he’s supposed to say, right up until the moment when he realizes, and says it.

 

“It wasn’t your fault, James. How things ended with Lucy, or Kara, or… You’re one of the best people I know.”

 

“Yeah.” James says, and breathes out, over the phone, the sound of it crackling into Winn’s ear, and making him shiver. “Thanks.”

 

“I’m serious.”

 

“I guess. I just… I’ll be honest. I blame myself, sometimes. If I’d just hadn’t been so wrapped up in everything else in my life, if I could have just…”

 

“Don’t, James.” Winn says, fiercely. “Don’t ever blame yourself for that. You think I don’t think about stuff like that? You think we don’t all have days like that? Moments when we think of everything in our life, and wonder what would be different, if we had just…”

 

“I know.” James says, quietly, and that’s the thing. Winn really does think he gets it, which somehow invites him to keep going. Lay it all out, and normally he sucks at phone conversations, but something about James just makes it… Simpler.

 

“Do you?” Winn says. “Do you remember what I said, when we had that conversation, after I got back from the alien planet? When you made us sit down and talk it all through?”

 

Because Winn remembers, clear as day.

 

_How he’d run out of James’ office, high on his own heroism, and it wasn’t more than an hour later that James had called him to check in, in a conversation pretty similar to this one, in some respects._

 

_“Winn. I’m sorry. I have been pushing you way too hard into this, and… It wasn’t right.”_

 

_Except Winn hadn’t been angry, somehow. He’d wanted to, but he wasn’t. It was good, that that kept happening, he figured. Emotional growth, or something._

 

_“Like, okay. You… You’re not wrong, but also, can I be honest? I was full of shit, okay? When I said I didn’t want to get involved, because the truth is, I did. I was just too scared to. The minute I said yes to helping Kara, the minute I said yes to helping you… It was just the push I needed to do what I never had the guts to, on my own. Like. I get it, James. You want to help people, because of your dad, and I’m so grateful that you shared that with me, except you know what I keep thinking about? All the stuff I don’t talk about, you know? Because. I don’t know. I never had anyone to talk about it with, for a really long time, so I guess I just learned… Not to. But…”_

 

_“Winn, you don’t have to. You don’t owe me that.”_

 

_“Shut up, James Olsen. I’m being emotional right now.” Winn says, and he’d been half-laughing, but also really glad he hadn’t been around anyone right now, that he’d sat on a nice park bench to take the call, and nobody noticed that he’d also nearly been about to cry, for no good reason._

 

_“The amount of times I think about my dad, or… You don’t think I wonder about all the ways my life would have been different, if I had just seen it coming? If I’d been more attentive, if I’d figured out what they were trying to tell me, and reacted. If I hadn’t spent so much of my life running, or hiding, or…”_

 

_“But people don’t always work like that.” James admittted. “You can’t always…”_

 

_Winn had shook his head, before he realized that, wait, James couldn’t actually see him. Maybe that’d been for the best, right then. “I know that. Why do you think information is my jam? I like to be able to feel like I can predict a catastrophe. Because I couldn’t. I never saw my dad coming. I never figured out how bad a place Siobhan was in. I… I don’t see these things James. I’ve never been able to figure out what’s right in front of my face. But maybe next time that won’t happen. Maybe next time I’ll react faster. Maybe next time I’ll get the information, and get it to the right place, I’ll act quick enough. And I’ll save enough lives to make up for it. If you wanna know what I’m doing here? That’s it. That’s my big ole origin story, Hero-stylez.”_

 

_The confession had hung in the air, but it hadn’t felt like a weight. More like a relief._

 

And James hadn’t said much, then. But Winn was pretty sure he’d known what he meant, anyway.

 

Except it’s back to the present, and James does speak again. “I was scared that I’d driven you off, at the beginning. That I pushed too hard, and didn’t… But after everything you’ve been through, you care about people, so much. Some days I’m scared that… I don’t know. Maybe you were right, at the beginning. That I was just doing it to prove a point. Not because I cared about people, just… Am I selfish, Winn?”

 

Winn thinks for a minute, his jaw working through the problem, before he speaks. “I think you’re human, James. I mean, sure, okay, you’re a big damn hero, but end of the day, you’re human like the rest of us. And you are doing good things. And you deserve to be happy, with someone who cares about you, somewhere down the line. And… I want to be there to see it, when you do.” He says, and god, he means that.

 

James breathes out, again, and the silence is the kind where, if this conversation were to happen in person, they’d probably be staring at each other a little longer than was strictly normal.

 

“You’re a good man, Winn. I…” He starts, and suddenly Winn is terrified of what the next words are, out of James’ mouth.

 

He doesn’t know why. He just feels like, this conversation is on the edge of pushing them into territory that is as-yet-unexplored, and he doesn’t know what that means, and he’s scared about screwing it up, so…

 

Winn deflects. Winn makes a joke, a Star Wars reference, because that’s what he does. That’s how he knows how to deal with things, sometimes.

 

“‘You’re a good man, Winn’. Okay, Poe Dameron. If you ask me to keep your jacket next, because it suits me, I’m hanging up the phone.” Winn threatens with a laugh. 

 

Because sure, it’s not like that. But they are. You know. _Pretending_ to be wildly gay for each other, so he can joke about that, right?

 

James laughs, and there’s an odd edge to it, enough to break whatever weird emotionally-laden energy was going on. “I... I should get back to work.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“Hey Winn? _Thank you_.” James says, with another sudden burst of deep sincerity, and hangs up the phone.

 

Winn drops the phone away from his ear, and stares at it, for what feels like a long time.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bonus second one for today, hooray!
> 
> thanks again to y'all for all your comments, subscriptions, and the love I've gotten for this!

”Oh, money, sorry! Um, yeah. Here. That's good, right?" Winn says, counting out the amount, plus a tip.

 

"Yeah, that's great, I don't need anything else. Well… Except maybe your number, if you want to give me _that_.” The takeout guy says, smoothly, and Winn goggles. Frankly, the guy was actually pretty hot? And had a funny shirt, that Winn had commented on, resulting in a minute or two worth of banter, that had been fun. 

 

"Me?" He repeats, and he's definitely blushing.

 

The guy winks back. "If you're interested."

 

"Um..." Winn says, before he remembers _why_ he can’t, and he once again hates his life. "Look, I.."

 

Then there's footsteps behind Winn, and the delivery guy visibly wilts.

 

"You got enough money, Winn?" James says, in sweatpants, shirtless, having just borrowed Winn's shower before they go on patrol.

 

Winn blinks, because. James is. Um. There's a lot of muscles, and he's dripping slightly on the carpet, so his brain is temporarily flummoxed, by that. 

 

Winn has never had muscles like that, and has rarely even...

 

Huh. If Winn didn’t know better, he'd say there was something almost possessive in the way James loomed in the doorway, in once again, _literally just sweatpants_. Or the way that James is staring at the delivery guy, in way that looks like a challenge.

 

The delivery guy gives James a once-over, and winks again, understandingly. "Say no more. Least my gaydar works."

 

Winn blinks, his brain still feeling offline.

 

The reverie last until the door closes, and Winn blinks again, and says "You realize he was asking me out? That guy. Wow."

 

"I k..." James winces, as if catching himself at something. "I mean, I didn’t realize, sorry."

 

"Yup." Winn says, a little stilted, still standing by the door, bag of fried rice and stir-fries in hand.

 

"Sorry, I don't know why I..." James bites his lip, and grabs the sweatshirt lying on the couch, start pulling it on without bothering to add a shirt.

 

Then, quietly, half muffled by the fabric, Winn hears James say "You... Could have said yes, you know."

 

Something twists in Winn at those words. The idea that he would be so casual about this, to just toss aside this entire thing, and… No. No way. "Dude, I'm not fake-dumping you for a…. A delivery guy floozy! Fake-dating or not. There's like, a code. No. Until this is... I'm not dating anyone else. Seriously.”

 

The more he thinks about it, honestly, the less appealing the idea sounds. But something occurs to Winn, so he asks, even if feels awkward, to. "Wait, is there someone else that you want to be..."

 

James stretches his shoulders, looking away. "No. No. There's... There isn't. Anyone else I'd want to date."

 

The silence stretches a little long, and Winn nods, about three times.

 

"Okay. Cool. Cool. Um. So… Let's eat, so you can go punch bad guys?"

 

James laughs, and the awkwardness in the room disappears, and Winn figured that, yeah. It's gonna be okay.

 

So they head out, and they take down a C-list supervillain for Kara, some weedy dude trying to create artificial earthquakes. No casualties, and very little property damage, so a pretty good evening, all around.

 

”So the world will _literally_ tremble at my might!" As they are packing up for the night, Winn does a pitch-perfect impression of him, and gets another laugh out of James.

 

 

Sure, the actual fight had been tense, and terrifying, and honestly, it's probably the sleep deprivation talking, but right then? Winn thinks that he probably wouldn’t trade the moment for anything in the world.

 

And honestly, the takeout guy wasn’t that cute.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this is canon divergent from the S2 Livewire episode onwards, so I took the liberty of shifting around a couple other things, like M'gann sticking around. Because I do what I want, and I already had this scene halfway written, so nyeh.

 Then it’s a rare night off, and they are down at the bar, just having drinks, all of Winn’s friends, and James, and a new face.

 

Winn has to admit, he’s _very_ interested to see that new face, because while she’s come to a game night or two, Lena Luthor is not exactly the type that he expects to be frequenting an alien bar. She looks pretty nervous, especially when one alien looks at her with a measure of anger, as if recognizing the family name in her.

 

Except Kara steps between the two of them, says “She’s with me”, and the big blue guy backs off. Then there’s pause, and then Kara blushes, turns to Lena, and stammers something about, “I mean, I wasn’t implying, exactly, I just…”

 

And Lena Luthor, CEO of L-Corp, _actual Luthor_ , smiles crookedly back, and buys Kara a drink.

 

Winn leans up against James by the pool table, where he’s battling it out with Alex, and losing badly. “Do you think something’s going on there?” He mutters, and James looks up, to see Lena & Kara, standing close.

 

James turns, and quirks an eyebrow. “Hey, you might be onto something there. You know what? Good for Kara,” And it’s open, and without a hint of jealousy, and the funny thing is, Winn doesn’t feel any either.

 

He is happy for Kara, too. Sure, he wishes he had someone in his life, but... Well, it’s funny, because he forgets half the time, that he isn’t _really_  dating anyone. It’s like… Well. It's something, anyway.

 

James loses at pool to Alex, and then to Winn, to Winn’s great delight. Okay, James probably let him have this one, but he really is getting better at the game.

 

Then Kara yells at them “THERE ARE CHEESEY NACHOS”, with a happy-slurred voice, and he and James settle back at the collective table, dive into the nachos.

 

They sit together by rote, now. It’s just natural, and even if it wasn’t part of the cover, Winn supposes that he’s just getting used to having James’ back. Being his right hand man. The conversation fades around him, because suddenly, idly, he remembers what Kara had asked him, at that first brunch, when the whole lie had started.

 

_Are you happy, Winn?_

 

It just… Keeps going around in his head.

 

Sure. His life is pretty far from perfect. He has both an incredibly dangerous day job, and an incredibly dangerous night…. Job? Okay, not a job. _Extreme hobby,_ then. He probably has lingering PTSD from at least four different things, _minimum_ , and he has major anxiety issues, and yeah, a couple other diagnoses under the belt.

 

Plus, there’s the fact that he’s lying to one of his closest friends. To her _face,_ about some… Pretty serious shit, actually. Life or death levels, and believe it or not, Winn does feel really bad for that. Kara trusted him with her secret, from basically day one. So if it were up to him, yeah, she might know. And this… Not-dating thing. It’s. It’s weird, and awkward, and probably going to blow up in his face.

 

At the same time. Somehow, despite all the odds, despite all of the crap he has been through... Most days, when he wakes up, and looks at his life, and ranks it on the scale from ‘craptastic’ to ‘actually pretty alright, might even call it happy’?

 

He thinks he might be. _Happy_. Just a little bit. It’s an odd feeling, honestly. But he could get used to this. To having friends. To making a difference with his life, to adrenaline balanced with the quieter moments of camaraderie. To seeing his friends, happy and whole.

 

But then, Kara starts talking about _Guardian_ again. “I’m just not sure. I’m not sure what I think.” She says to Lena, slurring her words a little, and Winn’s chest clenches with fear. “I think, I don’t know. Is he _human_? Isn’t he just risking his life, then, even with the suit?”

 

“I don’t have a suit.” Maggie points out. “Neither does Alex. We still do what we need to do. Look, I’m not _saying_ I like the guy. As a cop, I’m pretty much obligated to say that I don’t. But he does make our jobs a little easier, honestly.”

 

“You _don’t_ have a suit.” Kara squints, her drunk brain adding it up. “But Guardian does have a suit. Wait. Who made the suit? Winn, what do you think of Guardian?”

 

“Me?” Winn says, a nacho partly up to his face. “He’s. You know. Pretty cool dude, I guess.”

 

“Really?”

 

He means to be vague, but then… Suddenly he can’t be. He just… Can’t. Because he had _just_ been feeling really happy, and now his bubble is bursting, and he just. Blurts it all out.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do think that. You know what, Kara? I think Guardian is a hero, and you’re being hypocritical to judge him for doing the exact same thing that you’re doing, every day. You’ve met plenty of heroes who fight for any number of reasons, with or without powers. Like, okay, those people you met in the alternate universe? The grumpy Robin Hood guy? The gay ninja lady? _The guy with the high tech suit of armour and no superpowers,_ who reminded you of your cousin? I didn’t hear you judging them, so honestly, why is this _different,_ Kara?”

 

Kara opens her mouth to protest, but he’s on a roll, so he just keeps going, because hell, he might as well, right? “Besides, after what’s happened recently, I think you know as well as anyone, that it isn’t _being an alien with superpowers,_  that defines a hero.”

 

Winn knows he’s being an asshole again, bringing Mon-el into it, when his departure had hurt Kara.Mon-el, who had lied to Kara about his identity while being a friend, and _yikes_ , okay, yes, he’s a total asshole. But he also isn’t wrong. And unlike Mon-el, he’s still here. So is James. And they are…

 

“I’ll admit that before, I may have been more willing to judge him. This... Guardian, character.” Lena interrupts, voice clipped. It’s strange, seeing her in a bar, in an old shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows. She looks over at Kara. “But certain people may have had a role in shifting my viewpoint on these matters, in terms of my understanding in respect to the definition, and value of heroism.”

 

To his surprise, Kara frowns, in the way she does when she’s just changed her mind, but isn’t quite ready to admit that, yet. “ _Fine._ Maybe. I don’t know.”

 

M’gann stands from the table. “Not that this little philosophical discussion isn’t interesting, but I have to go set up karaoke, soon.”

 

The emotional whiplash of it throws Winn, just enough that, when Kara turns to him, and says, “You’re singing, right?”

 

Well. He might not be in love with her anymore, exactly, but he’s still not much better at saying ’no’. So Winn forces a smile, and sips at his his drink, which James had bought, (CEO salaries, okay?) and he bumps closer to James as he leans back. James looks at him, with an unreadable expression, so Winn pulls away a little. Just to be on the safe side of not weirding him out.

 

He doesn’t think anyone notices, at first. Except, yep, any moments of tranquil happiness in his life are apparently doomed to being short-lived, because guess what?

 

Alex and Maggie start kissing across the table, and when Kara politely glances away, her eyes fall on James and Winn, sitting with that little bit of a gap. Her eyes narrow. “You know, you two don’t have to be shy around me.”

 

“What?” Winn splutters, around his _unpronouncable-alien-beverage-that’s-kinda-like-a-green-pina-colda_. It’s his… Well. He’s not sure? Third? Fourth? Probably just third. He’s a massive lightweight, though, and these alien beverages. Woo.

 

“James and I almost dated, and Winn had a _crush on me_ , so I think they’re shyyyyy about kissing in front of me.” Kara explains to Lena, sitting beside her. Kara is pretty far into the _unpronouncable-purple-alien-beverages-that-can-get-Kryptonians-wasted_ by this point in the evening, so she is both overly talkative and extremely invested in whatever train of thought she is currently on.

 

“Different people have different standards. Don’t bother them.” Lena, argues back, cautious.

 

James looks at Winn, and they share an awkward glance. “Um, yeah. Winn isn’t too big on PDA.” James says, slowly.

 

Kara stares, pouting balefully. “I think you’re embarasssedddd…”

 

It’s... It suddenly feels really. loud in here. The music, and it’s been a lot of socialization, and he forgot his earplugs, which he normally brings with him for bars, because he’s sensitive to noise. He needs to… Do something.

 

And honestly, this is not that big of a deal. It’s not. It's just. If Kara gets suspicious, that’s bad, right? So he gets up to go to ‘go get some air’, abruptly. Except, and rather than wait for James to give him the room to get out, he just moves his way across James' lap, and on the way, he leans down.

 

He leans down, and kisses James on the cheek, right beside his mouth, close enough it'll looks like a real kiss, to Kara, across the table. It’s a quick brush of lips. Nothing inappropriate. Basically like… A French kiss. Not a french-kiss, just a… European cheek-kiss-friendly-thing.

 

It’s not a big deal, but hopefully it’s enough to quiet Kara, on the PDA front, right? Right?

 

Winn isn’t going to worry about the way that James’ eyes closed halfway, and leaned into it. Or the fact that he just kissed his best friend, who he is, you know, _pretending_ to be in love with. Or the fact that, not that he _had_ thought about it, but James’ skin was really nice, and smoother than he’d even expected, and… Nice.

 

He isn’t going to worry about that, because he’s going to the alleyway, to… Not freak out. And so he doesn’t. He just… Paces back and forth a little bit, and it’s nice being out here. A little cold, okay, but it’s quieter. The pacing helps, too. Movement, to shut his brain up for a minute.

 

James joins him a few minutes later, not saying anything, just handing Winn his coat. Winn takes it, and James leans against the side of the building. Watches Winn, pacing.

 

“Was it too loud in there?”

 

He nods, because he feels a little fragile, and words don’t always come out right, when he feels like this. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles, because maybe it had been inappropriate. The cheek-kiss… Thing.

 

James looks a little on edge, but also unravelling, with a softness to everything about him, not just that one damn cheek. “You don’t have to apologize, Winn.”

 

“What?”

 

“You said sorry.”

 

Winn hesitates, stopping his pacing to face James, because James deserves that much. “Oh. Yeah, well, I kinda sprung that on you. Dick move, and all. You know. I mean, it wasn’t _bad_ , but…”

 

“No, I didn’t… I… I mean.” James clears his throat, shivering a little, because James isn’t wearing his own coat, but he had seemingly remembered Winn’s. “You were right. It’s… Good for our cover.”

 

They stand there in silence, and the enormity of it is somehow hitting him, anew. “We’re lying to Kara, James.” He blurts out. "We're her friends, and I know it's partly for her sake, but... We're still lying to her."

 

“I know.” James says. “I know, but…Winn, maybe...”

 

Except, suddenly Winn is mad. Or confused. Or both. He isn’t even sure why, he just… He doesn’t know what he feels right now, and his defences are down, and anger feels almost easier than anything else. He’s angry at James. Or maybe he’s angry at himself, he doesn’t know, he’s just suddenly angry, and scared, and terrified that whatever James says next, is going to be something bad.

 

It’s just. The thing about Winn is, he’s pretty much always kind of figured that everyone in life was probably going to either leave, or disappoint. _Majorly disappoint_. That’s just kind of… How things went.

 

So far, James hasn’t. And he can’t do anything to screw that up, but he can’t do anything to screw up Kara’s life, either, and he can’t, he can’t… It’s a weird personal crisis to have, half-drunk, besides a dumpster, with your best friend, but Winn does _weird personal crises_ pretty well.

 

“Sorry. I’m sorry. This is just. It’s weird, and stressful, and I just _want to tell her_ , you know? Look, I don’t even know why I agreed to do this, okay? Some days I just can’t figure out why I said yes. ”

 

“The fake-dating thing?” James says, slowly. 

 

“ _No, God. I don’t even care, just… All of it_. Helping you with being the Guardian. Making your suit. Like, okay, I don’t get why _this_ is what makes me mad, when I’ve already forgiven you for everything else. Like, how you basically emotionally blackmailed me by saying that your death would be on my conscience if I, and….” 

 

He’s being cruel, and he knows that, but the words just slipped out.  Truth is, he hasn’t felt like that about Guardian for a long time. And he knows that, but he’s angry, and it’s stupid, it’s so goddamn stupid, and he opens his mouth to take it back, he does.

 

Except James is scrubbing at his face, and speaking quickly, too quickly for WInn to stop him. “God. No. You’re absolutely right. I got so caught up in my own desire to prove myself. And I did drag you into it. I… You’re right, and I’m sorry. And I don’t know how to make it up to you. But if you want this to end, it ends. I’ll tell Kara everything. You’re more important than…”

 

And James looks devastated, and Winn just. He can’t let James look like that. He can’t ever have James look at him like that.

 

“But no, you… I didn’t mean that, James, I didn’t, I just… I’m _not_ mad at you for that. Not anymore. I forgave you for that a long time ago, because you didn’t mean it, and the minute you figured that out…” He moves his hands, trying to spin out the right words, to make this all okay. 

 

“I… You’re stuck with me, okay? And you do not… You do not have to tell Kara. I’m not forcing you to give up your secret. I’m not…. I’m being an asshole, okay? I’m just scared. I’m scared she’s going to hate us, and I’m scared that it’s going to fuck things up, when everything in my life is just… It’s going really well, my life, and that’s never happened before without something blowing up in my face, and I _don’t know how to deal with that._ ”

 

James looks at him, and Winn looks back, and James is standing there, in just a thin shirt, tall and lit by the streetlights at the end of the alleyway, and Winn almost thinks he’s beautiful. _Almost_ lets himself think that, until he stops himself.

 

“I… I think I know what you mean. Winn, I…” 

 

And there’s something different about the way James is looking at him, again. There it is again, and WInn is scared, he’s just… He’s scared. He’s scared, because he doesn’t remember how to read James, suddenly. Forgets all the things he’s learned from careful practice, in the slate wiped clean by his _own_ emotional confusion.

 

“Can we talk about this later?” Winn says, abruptly.

 

James’ sharpens again, his face falling into a different cast. “Sure.”

 

James turns to go, and Winn feels himself folding inward. He should just let James walk away, but instead….

 

“Would it be weird to ask for a hug right now?” Winn says, and he knows it’s pathetic, but right now, he doesn’t really care.

 

James doesn’t say anything else, just grabs Winn and folds him into a hug, resting his chin on the top of Winn’s head, and Winn doesn’t think about anything, for a long moment. Just lets the pressure of it ground him, lets this _be_ , without worry about what it means.

 

When they separate from the hug, James grabs Winn’s hand, and they walk back into the bar together. Winn doesn’t think about that, either.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I literally almost skipped this chapter because it is SO SHAMELESSLY CHEESY
> 
>  
> 
> But then I remembered: that’s what y’all are here for, SHAMELESSLY CHEESY SHAMELESSLY CANON DIVERGENT GAYNESS
> 
> (also it’s a good interlude before the MASSIVE ANGST TRAIN THAT IS COMING SOON, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHA)

 

They get back just as karaoke is starting. It’s enough of a distraction that nobody talks about their temporary exit, which Winn counts as a mercy. The bar isn’t very crowded, despite it being a Saturday night, so, after downing another, probably ill-advisable round of shots, they rock-paper-scissor for whose first.

 

Lena wins, and does _Fight Song_ with just enough heart in it, to more than make up for the occasionally wavering vocals. Winn listens, and makes a note to talk to Lena more. He knows more than most people, about the weight of living with the monsters in your family.

 

Then it’s Kara, running through a pretty good rendition of some adorably sweet Carly Rae Jepsen song, only minorly hampered by the amount of the song she spends making gooey eyes at Lena.

 

"Called it. Triple date confirmed.” Winn mutters to James, as they watch Lena Luthor blush while Kara proclaims the ways that she ‘ _really really really really likes’_ a specific someone.

 

It’s nice, though. Sure, Kara will be horribly embarrassed, later on, but he’s happy, and he’s happy for her. Because that’s what this is for. Getting Kara Danvers to a good place in her life, because she elevates everyone else, and because after everything she’s been through, doesn’t she deserve that?

 

Then it’s Alex’s turn. She is surprisingly good, given that Winn has never heard her sing before, or of the song, something about breathing and not being able to fix your mistakes, just to keep going.

 

Maggie demurrs, so it’s down to the two of them, just James and Winn, who manage to tie their rock paper scisssors round. Then tie the best out of three, and look at each other for an annoyed moment, before Kara says “ _DUET. DUET. DUET._ ” While banging on the table, nearly enough to break it.

 

Winn looks at James, who shrugs. “I’m down if you are.”

 

Winn, he’s known for a while, isn’t much better at saying ‘no’ to James Olsen, either.

 

He takes another shot, even though he knows it’s an even worse idea, and they got to the front of the stage.

 

 _These are all really romantic_ , he thinks. Which makes sense, but…. He isn’t sure how he feels about that. He _isn’t sure_ , and maybe that’s what scared him the most.

 

“Glinda or Elphaba?” James asks, pointing at that one.

 

Oh.

 

“How about I be Glinda?” James says, with a half-smile, and takes the silence as consent, takes the silence and turns it into the opening notes.

 

The thing is: Winn doesn't do this.

 

It's not that he's a bad singer. Far from it. He's actually ridiculously good. "That one time he was drunk enough to sing at a Catco party, a musical theatre agent gave him her card and begged him to audition" good, and in one of those alternate universe thingies, a more ebullient and courageous version of himself probably said yes, and wound up on Broadway.

 

But that's not him. Not this version, and he's fine with that. He ran tech in high school plays, which turned into tech support, which turned into... His life, in a nutshell. The spotlight always shone too brightly, and he figured it was better off without it.

 

Except maybe that part of him is changing, maybe he can tell himself that, maybe he's getting used to danger and being the focus of something, being a part of something. Because of these people in his life, because of Kara, because of James, and yeah.

 

Maybe.

 

So he opens his mouth, and lets the words spill out, a little uncertain but heartfelt, becuase he means every goddamn one of them.

 

**_I'm limited. Just look at me. I'm limited. And just look at you. You can do all I couldn't do._  **

 

The truth is, this song is bigger than just James. It’s everyone who is in his life right now, everyone who ever pushed him to be better, to reach beyond the limitations, and the family he had, and to…

 

He knows that, but then James starts singing, and he forgets everyone else in the world exists, just for a second. When James opens his mouth, and something in Winn’s chest seizes, because he’s heard this song a thousand times, but never quite like this, never with this kind of a context, never…

 

_I've heard it said_   
_That people come into our lives for a reason_   
_Bringing something we must learn_

 

And it’s not about him, it’s not, it’s just a song, it’s just fucking _karaoke night_ at a weird alien bar.

 

Except James is looking at him, and it’s not even real, but it feels like it, it feels like it almost enough that Winn nearly stumbles when it’s his turn to sing again, and he only really feels like he’s got a handle on this by the end of the verse, right around when he says

 

 _And now whatever way our stories end_  
_I know you have re-written mine_  


With a funny kind of feeling, like it’s one of the truest things he’s ever let leave his mouth. Because James is here, right in front of him, and it’s a song about. It’s about _friends_ , and that’s what this is, it is, it isn’t anything else, but god, it means a lot to him, more than he ever let himself think about, until right now.

 

James’ eyes turn a little sad.

 

 _And just to clear the air_  
_I ask forgiveness_  
 _For the things I've done, you blame me for_

 

And it echoes the conversation they’d just had, enough that Winn would sing this, even if the lyrics weren’t right, even it he wasn’t supposed to be singing it.

 

_But then, I guess we know  
There's blame to share_

 

And then the both of them, and he gets that, now, that idea of being on-stage, and it being like you’re the only one in the world, you and whoever is there with you. James, it’s James, and maybe that feels _right_ , and he’s too drunk to figure out what that means, he’s too caught up in it all.

_  
And none of it seems to matter anymore_

 

Because it doesn’t, somehow it doesn’t, not at all. Not right now, as the song keeps going, them both promising they’ve been changed for the better, and Winn believes it, he even believe it when James says that Winn has changed _him_ , and what a funny thing that sounds, except…

 

_Because I knew you...  
I have been changed for good..._

 

The music fades, and Winn blinks, and the world reasserts itself around him. He blinks, and tries to smile at James, and turns away, rushes off the stage to sit down, and wobbles, because it’s just.

 

It’s a lot?

 

Dimly, Kara is squealing at him, and he ignores it, a little bit, because he isn’t sure what he would say. It feels odd, suddenly remembering what a private moment had just been writ large. They sold it, at least,

 

A glass of water appears in front of him, a minute or two later. He drinks about half of it. He’s not really that drunk.It’s more of a overstimulation thing, both on a physical and emotional kind of level. Or maybe he is that drunk. It’s. A possibility. Distinctive. Distinctively. Definite. Hm.

 

“I think I want to go home.” He confesses. It’s been a weird night. Not bad, weird, not all the way. Just. Weird weird. “I should call a cab.” He keeps sitting, not quite remembering to pull out his phone.

 

“I can take you.” James offers. “Or, you know. My apartment’s closer. I mean.”

 

Winn nods. That makes sense. James has a couch. It's a good. Couch. “Yeah. Yeah okay.”

 

James’ eyes soften again, that look that he gets sometimes, when he thinks Winn isn’t paying attention. The look that Winn is either too drunk to figure out, or too much of a coward.

 

“Okay.”

 

So they leave together, and nobody looks twice at that. Because why would they?

 

They're _dating_. It’s how it’s supposed to go.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: I POSTED TWO CHAPTERS AT ONCE 
> 
> AND I'M CONTINUING TO IGNORE CANON BECAUSE IT'S NOT GAY ENOUGH 
> 
> JOIN ME IN THIS, MY FRIENDS
> 
>  
> 
> (also this is a weird interlude that was very narratively necessary but has a bit of a tonal shift that I was playing around with, hope it worked!)

The thing about falling in love, Winn learns, is that it’s never as simple as it looks like.

 

The thing about falling in love, Winn learns, is that there isn’t one way to do it.

 

He didn't know that, at first. He thought, for a really long time, that falling in love was something that… That just _happens_ to a person, in a specific way, and you _know_ it, right from the start.

 

Just, out of the blue, instant. Love at first sight, the way everyone talks about in movies. That instant click of a connection, the first time you seem them from across a room, the first time they smile at you, and that’s it. Whether they feel the same way or not, you’re never going to be the same, and you’re in love, already. That’s that. That’s the way it always goes, when it’s something _real_.

 

That’s the easy story. The simple answer. The one where there’s no confusion, no effort, no tricks that your mind plays on you. It’s clean-cut, and it’s linear, and it makes sense.

 

It’s a goddamn lie, because love doesn’t make a bit of sense, more often than not.

 

Instead.

 

Instead sometimes, it’s like _this_.

 

It’s like knowing someone for ages. Months and months of acquaintanceship, where you’re at cross-purposes. Even as you have commonality of purpose sometimes, in caring about the same person, the same things. Where the other person is charming, okay, but still not someone you really _like_. Someone who crawls under your skin in an itchy way, at first, and you think you’re only thinking about them for other reasons, like maybe jealousy. Because they seem like a perfect person, and how could you ever live up to that?

 

Or then maybe you get to know them, see their messy contradictions, their imperfections, and you start to look at them like they’re a _real_ person, instead. Maybe you’re still angry at them, but you’re friends, by that point, and you think it can settle into the right shape, of how your lives fit together, just like that. As friends.

 

Maybe if you didn’t overthink it, that’s where it would stay. But you do overthink things, you can’t really help it, whenever there’s a problem to solve. A conundrum, like the way that some things about how you feel just don’t add up. How, somehow, there’s something else beneath the surface, a quiet warmth that makes you wake up one morning, and _realize_.

 

Like today.

 

Today, when Winn awoke to the _pop_ of a toaster. When he sat up on James’ Olsen sofa, in the brightness of morning, and remembered that he’d never gone home, that night. Because they were right by James’ apartment, and Winn’s was across town, and so he’d gone back with James, instead, to fall asleep on James’ couch, because it just made sense.

 

When he wakes with the vague sensory memory of his chin nestled into a warm shoulder.When there’s a blanket over him, that wasn’t there before. When James walks out, in soft sweatpants and a worn t-shirt, to hands him a cup of coffee and some toast.

 

Says ‘hey’, in a soft voice, like Winn belongs in his living room, first thing in the morning. _Smiles_ , like Winn belongs in his life.

 

It’s not even the first time he’s stayed the night on this couch. It’s not the first time James Olsen has smiled like that. It’s a completely banal morning, complete with a lingering hangover.

 

Except something in Winn’s brain just _clicks,_ and he feels like the world’s biggest idiot, for not having seen it before.

 

Something in Winn’s brain just tells him, suddenly, all the ways that their lives already line up, added together with all the ways they could fit together, even more.

 

That he’s been pretending a lot of things, but maybe a little less than he thought. That suddenly it’s not a game anymore. Suddenly he can’t pretend, because it’s something that he wants to be real, more than anything in the world.

 

Because it suddenly just feels like such a narrow semantic line, between the lie he’s been telling to people, and the _god-why-cant-it-be-the_ truth.

 

But he doesn’t say anything. Just smiles back, and eats toast with peanut butter and honey, and drinks his coffee, milk without sugar. Lets the feeling build up in his head, until it’s inexorable, it’s a goddamn _certainty_ , that he knows three things.

 

1\. He’s in love with James Olsen.

 

2\. He has no idea what to do with this information.

 

3\. He’s so, so completely  _screwed_.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a full update, in the chapter sense, (though that should come soon!) but a writing update.

*awkward wave*

um… hi?

First of all… Thanks for reading this, for all the comments, and the patience.

Second of all… Sorry for the wait.

This fic came out as a way to vent frustrated feelings I had about Supergirl as a show, through a fluffy, weird little fic.

Except, eventually some of those same frustrated feelings led to me quitting the show entirely.

That ended up with me having a lot of complicated feelings about this fic, and the next chapter was really hard to write, so things just got… stuck, for a really long time.

But regardless of my feelings towards the show, I love these characters, and I love my version of Winn, James, and everyone else here.

So!

I’ve dived back in to a major re-read and some editing of the fic as it stands, and I’ve dug back out my draft for the next chapter, to start working on it, properly.

Because I want to do this justice, and see it through, and I’m posting this update, to hold myself accountable to that.

There are…

Three chapters left, I think. They are all outlined, and half-written at least.

I make no promises, but I’m going to do my best.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now a full chapter, huzzah!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I nearly deleted this entire chapter, because I've never been wildly perfectly happy with it, but... I think it's a good transition before SHIT HITTETH THE FAN in the final chapters, and it's the most written of what I've got, so...
> 
> Here it is?
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> Reminder:
> 
> To recap: I havent watched the show since like... midway through season two, barring occasionally youtube clips. This takes place in an alternate timeline that diverged around “Supergirl Lives”.
> 
> It's one where Kara didn’t find out that James was Guardian right away, where Maggie & Alex are still together, where Jeremiah Danvers was still held prisoner by Cadmus a while longer, where Mon-el never dated Kara, (instead, he got summarily YEETED into space and things stayed that way)…
> 
> And most importantly, where SHIT WAS A WHOLE LOT GAYER.

“Hey!” Maggie says, at the doorway.

 

Winn immediately whirls around to leave, then stops himself, and whirls around in the opposite direction. Overall, it just gives the effect of him turning in one big confused circle. Which sort of _fits_ , he supposes, in a metaphorical sense, but largely just makes him look like an idiot.Which _also_ fits, come to think of it.

 

“Oh, shit, you’re… Not Alex. Great. And I came all the way over here to have a big gay personal crisis.”

 

Maggie had looked about five seconds away from telling him to beat it, before she pauses, her hand on the doorknob. Her eyes narrow, speculative. “Big gay personal crisis? Not to brag or anything, but that’s kind of my speciality.”

 

Winn twists his hands, groaning a little. Because he would _love_ to. But also it’s a really bad idea. “I can’t.”

 

“I’m a really good listener.” Maggie offers, just as Winn realizes he has followed her into the apartment, without really paying attention.From the self-satisfied look on Maggie’s face, she had planned that. Damn. It would be weird to leave, now, so he resolves to just… Get out with it.

 

He takes a seat, despite himself. Maggie waits, patiently, watching him scratching at the chair upholstery with one finger.

 

Eventually, he takes a breath, and just…. Blurts it out. “Okay, look, I’m freaking out here, okay? Why is it that I can face off against an alien armed with a _rock_ , like I’m Kirk versus the freaking _Gorn_ , but I can’t just talk to the guy I’m _technically dating_ , and say ‘ _oh hey, by the way, I’m in love with you, no big deal, right_?”

 

Maggie stares at him, and blinks. _“Oh._ Uh. That kind of gay crisis. You want a beer? _”_

 

“Beer? What time is it? Early. It’s early. Coffee would be better. I had coffee, but I need more coffee to deal with this. A lot more coffee.”

 

Maggie supplies the coffee. It takes a minute or two, and Winn sits in the chair, waiting, until she returns, to shove the coffee in his hand, milk and sugar in it. “So…” He says, awkwardly.

 

“You were talking about being nervous about telling James that you love him, even though you’ve been dating for a while?” The prompt is gentle enough that it relaxes Winn, before it hits him that she is _way_ off base.

 

“God no. Try… Ten times more complicated?”

 

Maggie’s interest is obviously piqued, despite herself. “Okay?”

 

Except, wait. No. _Guardian_. And… Police officer. Who usually don’t like vigilantes. And Okay, Maggie isn’t like, a scary cop, but she’s still… Winn hears Maggie’s voice, from all those month ago, saying _arrest warrant_ , and. Everything just kind of. Stops. In his head.

 

“I can’t tell you, without going into some major personal context of things that would…. Ha, no, nooope. You seem nice, Maggie. You really do, and I’m happy that Alex is way more chill, and less grumpy, because she is ranked way above me in the DEO chain of command, but you’re also a _cop_ , and I can’t talk about this stuff. I just can’t, so I’m just gonna…”

 

Maggie gets a concerned look on her face, and straightens up to her full height. “Look. I’m not going to judge. I’m not going to do anything about it, unless you want me to. Full confidence. But… I do know you had a black eye the other week, and you never filed a police report on that ‘mugging’. I won’t report anything, if that’s not what will help you right now. But I need to know you’re safe, and… Do you need to stay here, tonight? Because it’s actually a really comfortable couch, and I know Alex would have your back in a _minute_. Even against the acting CEO of a major corporation.”

 

Winn nearly chokes on his coffee, because that is just…. Way off base. Off base and running way into the outfield. Or was the base metaphor actually about military bases? It didn’t matter. He needs to. Focus. And correct her, because James would _never_ , and Winn couldn’t have realized how much of a punch to the gut it was, knowing someone could even _think_ that of him.

 

“Seriously? Oh my god. James is not… No. And… I _guess I_ get mad at you for that, because you don’t know him very well, and as a cop you’re probably… but I’m kind of mad anyway, and also _no_. Definitely not even close.”

 

Maggie relaxes, at least by a hair. “Okay. That’s good. That’s good. So… What is the issue, exactly?”

 

Because yeah, there’s keeping a secret, and then there’s some serious mitigating circumstances. Winn puts down the cup, and leans forward, shrugging his shoulders.

 

“Okay. So. _Hypothetically._ If you were fake-dating someone, and then you realized you had distinctly not-fake feelings for them, how long until the train coming from the East that left at 12:33 pm _winds up in a massive colossal train-wreck of fire and death and failure?”_

 

There’s a painful moment of silence _._ Maggie crosses her arms. _“_ That’s… Actually a new one, even by my knowledge of big gay personal crises.”

 

Winn nods, furiously.

 

“So. You and James _aren’t_ dating?”

 

“No. We… Said we were dating, because of a… thing.” He finishes, weakly.

 

“Was it a ‘make Kara jealous over having dumped James’, thing?” She says, not looking impressed. “Because not to be selfish here, but if you pulled the limelight away from Alex and me getting together, for a cheap fake gay stunt like that…”

 

Winn flaps a hand, because why is that always the assumption? “Dude, I'm bi, first of all. Secondly, more of a ‘James has a big personal issue that Kara would be really stressed about, if she knew, and the last thing she needs right now is another distraction, and so when she assumed that what James was hiding, was that we were dating, we…. Went for it?’”

 

“But now you want it to be real. And you’re scared. Do you think there’s a chance he feels the same way?” Maggie asks, softly.

 

Oh. He _wishes_. But if wishes were horses, he would… Okay, he would never leave his house, because horses honestly always kinda made him nervous, and he’s _shit_ at facing his fears unless someone makes him.

 

He shakes his head. “No. Maybe. Probably not. I mean… I’d have noticed, right?”

 

Maggie doesn't really react to that, and it's probably for the best. “I think you have to be honest with him. It might hurt. It might hurt a _lot_. But if you need him to be a part of your life, it has to be on honest terms, and part of that means the possibility of losing him.”

 

And maybe he could handle that. If it was just letting James Olsen walk out of his life, and go fall in love with someone else. He could handle that. He smiles at Kara and it doesn’t hurt at all anymore, not really, so he knows that kind of loss is survivable. But the rest of it?

 

He's not sure why it's easier to tell Maggie than anyone else. Maybe because of magic gay confessional powers. Maybe because she's only halfway a friend, halfway a stranger, and the stakes aren't quite so terrifying, that way.

 

And hell, if this is time for confessions, he might as well go in for a penny, in for a metric tonne. 

 

“You… You think I don’t know that? I do, I just… I make one wrong move, and this all blows up in my face. And… It would be easier if it wasn’t so complicated. Because it’s not just losing my best friend, if I mess up. It’s losing other stuff, too. I want to be able… To know I can make a difference, tangibly. That what my life is, is bigger than just the fact that Kara happened to have trusted me with her secret, at first, and everything else followed in one weird-ass domino effect. Like? The DEO is great, and I know I’m there because of my skills, but it’s so tied to her, and sometimes it feels so suffocating. But with James it’s just…” He’s moving his hands through the air, as he starts to trail off. “It’s mine. It’s _me,_ and he trusts me, to be part of something. I spent my whole life running from being anyone important, because I was too scared of what I was capable of. It’s just… it’s bigger than just one guy, and I don’t know how to let go of any of it.” 

 

He was still lying to her, halfway, but there's more truth in what he saying than anything he's said in a really long time. Maybe that's enough. 

 

Maggie nods. “I get it. Honestly? I was terrified when I made a move on Alex. Because I was just getting a proper in at the DEO, after chasing tails for _months_ , and the alien taskforce never getting far enough. Because I’m just a cop, and I don’t have any super powers, I’m not related to any superheroes, but I knew I could help, and make a difference… And in Alex Danvers comes, all swagger and hot-stuff, and she throws all my rules out the window. I’m still struggling to play catch up with it all.”

 

He thinks it might be enough, because Maggie is looking at him, and he doesn't see judgement, there. Understanding. Empathy, maybe, but... Not judgement, and given that he's pretty sure he's screwing up his entire life because he can't keep his traitor feelings at bay? A lack of judgement feels pretty damn nice.

 

“Do you have shitty father issues too? Because if so, we’re really different, but simultaneously scary-alike.”

 

Maggie laughs, then nods, ruefully. “You’re right. We totally should have gone for drinks _way_ before this.”

 

Winn puts the coffee cup down. "You’re good people, Maggie Sawyer.”

 

“Yeah, I know.” Maggie says, a crooked smile. “Now come on, off my girlfriend’s couch. Go face your big gay personal crisis, head on.”

 

He stands, then hesitates. “You really think so?”

 

“Worked for me, didn’t it?”

 

Ha. Yeah. “And if I’m not that lucky?”

 

Maggie pauses, one more time. “I’m going to give the same advice I gave my girlfriend, okay. You deserve to be happy. I don’t know if that means James. But you do, okay, Winn?”

 

“Right. Thanks.” He says, without a lot of conviction, but manages to get himself out the door, anyway.

 

He needs to go talk to James. So… He’s going. _Come what may,_ and all that crap.

 


End file.
